I love my grandpuppy Bodi. I can’t wait to shower him with love and cuddles.  

WAIT.  

That’s about me. What about Bodi? As a hopefully mature nervous system in the relationship I need to exercise my capacity to understand who Bodi inherently is, the impact of his history on our relationship and the unique context we are in together today. Given all this it really isn’t realistic to expect him to meet me at the door eager to receive my physical cuddles and respond with ‘full butt tail wagging’. 

And yet, isn’t this what we do in our human relationships? 

We expect the ‘other’ to be who we want them to be and act the way we want them to act. And when they aren’t and don’t, we withdraw our love in all kinds of ways. In our inability to hold and process our own understandable disappointments in not getting what we want, and the likely activation of our early attachment beliefs around rejection and abandonment, we move into various forms of subtle and not so subtle attack energy. 

For a moment, will you consider that the same dynamic is true in our transformational coaching/therapy client sessions?  

Of course it is. We are humans before we are transformational practitioners. The denial of our humanness has a hugely negative energetic impact on the practitioner/client relationship.  

In Conscious EFT™ we speak about attunement as the primary requirement for transformational change.  

In my opinion it is the practitioners in the moment capacity to simultaneously attune to themselves and their client that determines the potential for successful client change. 

‘Attunement’ is a phrase that’s being thrown around the coaching/therapy fields a lot nowadays. What I’d like to add to that conversation is that attunement is an energy. 

It is not something ‘we do’. It is not just listening, not just empathy.  

Attunement is an energetic capacity to hold the inherent truth about our own worth, value and lovability regardless of what ‘the other’ is energetically presenting to us.   

The practitioner who has built a deep capacity for attunement presents themselves as energetically steady rather than perfect,  an energetic leader in the relationship.   

I aspire to be an energetic leader for Bodi in our time together this week. To be steady in my own self love so that I don’t demand anything from him other than to be exactly as he is.  

As I share below some of the energetic leader phrases I’ve been practicing for my time with Bodi, would you consider how they might translate to your important relationships? Particularly with your clients? Remember this is energy. Even though I may not be saying these phrases out loud, I’m holding the energy of them in my being.

‘Dear Bodi, I understand if you’re unsure of me right now. You’re in charge of what happens here. We go at your pace.’

‘Sweetie Bodi, your safety and comfort is so important. It’s okay if you’re not ready to interact yet. We can just be here in this space the way you want.  

‘You’re such a special puppy, and I look forward to getting closer as you’re ready.’ 

‘Meanwhile, I’ve come prepared with things I know you like and I think will help us have positive experiences together. I have treats and I have toys. You don’t have to do anything to get them. They are for you.’ 

And boy, do I have treats and toys!! Have a look… Furry hidden squirrels, leather balls, plastic pretzels and so many treats from the Dogs We Love homemade barkery. 

Happily yours,
Nancy